Central to all our relationships is the ability to communicate clearly with one another. Nearly all couples who come for counselling at RELATE have issues with clear communication.
Why do we speak to those nearest and dearest to us in a way that we would not do at work, with friends or anyone else? To some extent it’s our release valve when we feel under pressure from others. However, it can become the usual way of speaking and builds resentment in your relationship.
Poor communication can lead to bad habits. The same argument crops up time and time again, nothing changes, one is snapping and the other is not hearing any more. Gradually we give up trying to talk to our partner as it seems there is little point in going over the same ground in the same way constantly. Again, resentment builds.
A “change the communication pattern” tip:
One way that we can change this dance is to book time with one another when there are no other distractions. Phones off, children in bed or out, T.V. off and sit facing one another.Think what you want to say to your partner without anger or snide comments – just state clearly either how you feel or what you want from them – why you are upset.
Your partner can reply and also take the opportunity to state their needs. Give it a time limit each week and think about it during the week and what you would like to say the following session. This is an opportunity to speak and not shout.
This may seem rather formal but it changes the way you address problem issues. If you feel you have an ongoing communication problem with your partner or family member then call us on 0300 7729681 to make an appointment.
For a quiz on “ Are you a good communicator?” go to The Relationship Quiz