Tag Archives | arguments


How to have an argument-free Christmas and avoid becoming a January divorce statistic Relate Devon and Cornwall is preparing for a New Year spike in people seeking relationship support after tensions come to a head over Christmas, pushing some local families to breaking point. On average Relate receives a 13% rise in calls and a 58% rise in website users each January. The charity, which offers relationship counselling for couples and individuals as well as family counselling, young people’s counselling, and sex therapy is bracing themselves for a similar peak next month. While they say it’s never too late to seek support, they are urging people in Devon and Cornwall to think about any relationship issues that already exist now – before the pressures of Christmas unnecessarily tip some couples and families into crisis. This comes as new Relate research has found that over half (55%) of UK adults say Christmas places an added strain on relationships. Previous research by the charity has found money worries are the number one strain on relationships, with over a quarter of people (26%) experiencing this pressure. Relate counsellors say that at Christmas, arguments about money tend to be even more common. Nathalie Caulier,…

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Relate says PREPARE FOR the summer holidays

 The sun has finally come out so we begin to think of the School summer holidays.  Parents worry about how to keep the kids entertained. Long summers can be great, but they can also cause tension around childcare arrangements, money and activities. Relate offers some tips for having a summer holiday the whole family can enjoy. Have a planning session It might be impossible to make sure everyone gets what they want from the summer holiday. Draw up a list of what everyone wants. It’s better to explain to children at this point that not all is possible. Planning is important, as it makes all feel  they’re contributing and being listened to, it’s especially important if you’re separated or living in a step family as it might be different from what everyone is used to. Set expectations This includes helping children to understand that you need to work even though they’re not at school, and you can’t entertain them all the time. Don’t be afraid to talk  about money – if they want to do something you can’t afford, be honest with them and work out a cheaper alternative together. Saving money Summer is a time to have fun without…

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      Relate’s guide to avoiding bust – ups over the festive season It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas is coming.The  high streets are getting busy with festive shoppers and across Devon people are dusting off the decorations. But for some, Christmas is an extremely stressful and emotional period and a time that families have come to dread. This Christmas, Relate in Devon is asking people across the county to put a ‘Harmonious Christmas’ at the top of their Christmas wish list. And to help, Relate’s counsellors have put together the following tips to help families keep the peace this festive season: For a lot of people this Christmas, money will be tight, so try not to succumb to the pressure and spend more than you can afford.Getting into a mountain of debt is not a good way to start the New Year. Who goes where and when can be a huge issue for parents who have split up and for step families, especially if you are at loggerheads. As hard as it is, try and keep as calm as possible and keep your children’s best interests at heart. Turn the telly off. It’s easy to ‘veg…

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Did you have a HAPPY SUMMER ?

      The Summer holidays are over, back to school, back to work, back to everyday life. Christmas hols are still a long way off. Sometimes, we look forward to something so much that we build it up to have unrealistic expectations of how it will be. The reality does not always live up to our dreams. We become disappointed and often take it out on those nearest and dearest. What should have been a restful and relaxing time became tense. Did you have a quarrelsome Summer with your partner or children? Don’t let it fester, do something about the arguments and irritation. Make an appointment with us. Make the next holiday different.  

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  1.Try to sit down as a family to discuss what you can and cannot do over the Summer. 2. If you and your partner get argumentative, for example getting lost en route to somewhere, remember children benefit from seeing conflict constructively resolved – humour is a great way to dispel car tension. 3. If you have step-children and you are all going away for the first time, it will feel very different for the children. Try and create some new holiday traditions. 4. Talk as a couple before you go away about boundaries for your children – keep a united front if they challenge you. 5. Try to spend some time alone as a couple. Holidays are meant to be fun and relaxing but they can also be times of stress and discord. If your family needs some extra support – either over the summer holidays or after the break – talking to one of our counsellors could really help to improve things. To make an appointment or talk to someone please phone: 03007729681 e-mail: reception@relate-ed.org.uk    

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Just the two of us


Central to all our relationships is the ability to communicate clearly with one another. Nearly all couples who come for counselling at RELATE have issues with clear communication. Why do we speak to those nearest and dearest to us in a way that we would not do at work, with friends or anyone else? To some extent it’s our release valve when we feel under pressure from others. However, it can become the usual way of speaking and builds resentment in your relationship. Poor communication can lead to bad habits. The same argument crops up time and time again, nothing changes, one is snapping and the other is not hearing any more. Gradually we give up trying to talk to our partner as it seems there is little point in going over the same ground in the same way constantly. Again, resentment builds. A “change the communication pattern” tip: One way that we can change this dance is to book time with one another when there are no other distractions. Phones off, children in bed or out, T.V. off and sit facing one another.Think what you want to say to your partner without anger or snide comments – just state…

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Relate for happy family holidays

Are you ready for the summer holidays?

Here are 5 top tips for you and your family….. 1. Try to sit down as a family to plan what you can do over the Summer.Get the children involved with thinking up low cost activities. 2. If you and your partner get into an argument,for example, in the car you’re going the wrong way, remember that children benefit from seeing conflict being resolved in a positive way. Sulking and silence are not helpul. 3. If you’re going away for the first time as a step family, it will probably feel very different for the children. Try to see it as a chance to create new family holiday traditions. 4. Talk as a couple before you go away about boundaries for your children – and keep a united front if they challenge you. 5.Try to find some time alone as a couple – not easy on a family holiday but even small snatches of time are helpful. Enjoy it – you’re on holiday

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